Fluent Idiot

Not everyone appreciates my criticism of poor English, and that's OK. We all have different peeves.

But this sort of thing:

Actually happens. I've experienced it in both written and spoken situations. To have been understood I would have had to switch to not just simplified English, but fluent idiot.

In some cases it is teenagers. The ones who aren't quite in special ed classes, but are encouraged to take Hospitality, because their future involves - AT BEST - the service industry.

In other cases it is not teenagers. It is people who've been communicating long enough to have picked up better habits, but have chosen not to. I see you nodding your head. Now I'm going to offend some of you.

Do you know where this all begins?

It begins when baby language* (*so I am told) is still used in adulthood out of "fun". We obviously differ on what fun is, but that won't be the first time either.

Yesterday, I asked the rhetorical question:

"How the hell do you change an N to an M and lose other consonants completely, in the middle of a word?"

I am referring, of course to "sammich".

The person I said this to, told me it was from childhood, and considered cute. I know full well that adults say it in "fun" most of the time. Hence the question being rhetorical. And I agree that if a 2-year-old mispronounces something we all laugh, but don't we teach him the right way to say it? Or are we all learning English from 2-year-olds now? Isn't that a bit backwards?

Here are some other words we could simplify using the same rules:

Walkway becomes "wammy".

English becomes "emmish".

Hardcore becomes "hammer".

Much easier to say, and SO MUCH FUN.

Apparently laziness is involved too. Just how much effort is it to speak? I know...let's just point and grunt instead.

No, I'm not calling you an idiot if you select a few words that you prefer in a non-standard form, we'll call it a quirk. But if it is truly developed from the speech of children, what else are we going to allow from the same source?

What I'm asking is, where do you draw the line?

I read, on a friend's FB page yesterday, an entire thread in which not one single comment was in good English. It wasn't QUITE as bad as the image above, but it wasn't far off. They tell me that people don't bother writing in good English on things such as social media and text. Please don't tell me it's quickness. Abbreviations and not checking typos, are one thing, but this is actual errors of grammar and syntax. Word endings wrong, verbs in the wrong form, or completely missing. This is not speed. This is people writing as they talk.

It is sub-English. You can call it the language of the street and defend it, I'm sure somebody will. But where does it begin, how does it spread, and most importantly WHY? Why do you WANT to sound less intelligent? Did you watch the video I posted earlier in the week:

In this, it is suggested that being stupid, or playing stupid is trendy, sexy, popular, desirable. This is dangerous. I see no benefit to it at all.

Cute? There are times in humour when certain unusual formations serve a purpose. A literary device, I suppose. But cute? How is an adult talking like a child cute? What else do you consider cute in adults? Thumb-sucking, wearing diapers perhaps?

I will not dumb down my speech. I will not accept sub-English as valid. Language is complex because it needs to be precise. Communication, the backbone of human society, requires an ability for ideas to be expressed in a way that they will be understood correctly. It has nothing to do with elitism - some of the most complex and sophisticated languages on this planet today are spoken by small tribal groups far from modern society. (Read: Through The Language Glass by Guy Deutscher). Nor is it too much to expect anyone to speak ONE language fluently. In most parts of the world speaking more than one language is the norm, and speaking 4 or more languages is common.

We're not referring to slang here. Whatever your feelings are about slang, it's a separate issue. Slang words or terms replace standard words or terms. They don't mangle them. Words like "cool" are slang. Terms like "bang to rights" are slang. Within slang itself are rules, grammar, syntax. Phrases such as "I done did it" is non-standard English, not slang. It breaks the rules.

Dialect is another thing altogether. The correct verb ending for the verb "to say" in the first person, is say - "I say". In some dialects this is changed to "I says". This is non-standard English, but it's not WRONG, not if you speak that dialect. It is wrong if you don't speak that dialect, but that isn't usually an issue that arises. People don't normally suddenly pull words from the dialect of others. This is not slang either. Dialect is that grey area where new languages sometimes arise. Many European languages began as dialects of Latin.

Sub-English is not slang, nor is it dialect. It is non-standard English for no valid reason. Laziness? Poor upbringing? Trend? Think it's funny? Whatever. It makes you sound stupid. Why do you want to sound stupid?

TO FIT IN?

I give up.

And, In the Bigger Picture

I just hammered this out in a torrent:

http://rutabagadreams.blogspot.ca/2013/06/picky.html

It goes way beyond food. You saw my blog about gourds the other day. You've seen me rant about this before.

Maybe you saw me post this on Facebook too:

It's all the same thing. No, it IS. Think about it.

It all comes down to an infantile attitude that "my tastes are right, yours are wrong".

It is one of the few things that can make me angry, because this is the home of prejudice. This is where hate grows.

It may sound silly when I am discussing it in reference to food, or music, or something mundane like these, but you see if the attitude is there, it's there. It begins with stamping your foot because not everyone likes your tastes in jazz, and if not checked there, it can lead to other intolerances.

I know, it's tough to listen to your teenager's music sometimes. And it's your house, you have a right to tell him to turn it out down (or off). You have no requirement to like it. What you can stop yourself doing, however, is telling him his tastes are garbage. Not only does this teach him to behave the same way (which is rude), you are, in a way, saying that he is "wrong", by having poor taste. There is nothing good coming from these statements. You may be lucky enough to have a kid with such high self-esteem that he shrugs it off. Or you may do serious harm. Whatever, it won't benefit anyone.

And...kid? Listen to me. If your mother derides your music, get over yourself. Don't use that as a reason to go around poking fun at the tastes of others. Treat others the way you wish to be treated yourself. Part of growing up is understanding that we are all different, and that DIFFERENT IS GOOD.

This sneering at the tastes of others masks a fear. Fear of the different goes back to our distant wild ancestry when "other" meant danger. It's a sort of survival instinct. But so is carrying fire with you wherever you go, and I don't see you doing that. Now, in our modern world, with many generations of the exchange of different ideas, and exposure to other ways of doing things, there is absolutely no excuse for objecting to "different". Today, we have learned to live together, with tolerance.

Except we haven't.

This is not going to be a long discussion, this is just me saying to you CUT IT OUT. I don't care how young or old you are, how poorly or well-educated you are. I don't care how much luck or privilege you've had or haven't had. I absolutely don't give a damn about what some ancient book says, so don't even bother. There are 7 billion of us on a very small planet, and we all have to get along. It is a matter of life or death and nothing less.

You don't have to like everything. Nobody does. This isn't about changing your preferences. They are yours, and you have a right to be different too. No, it's about live and let live. Tolerance, as I have explained until I am blue in the face, is not about lowering your standards, or compromising your morality. It's about accepting that others don't share yours. It's that simple. What's your problem?

How To Read FSD (Facebook Status Double-Talk)

"I am really excited about......"

"I am really nervous about............"

"Don't judge me."

"I feel guilty about something."

A message justifying a lifestyle choice.

"I have really low self-esteem."

A message attempting to justify an obviously poor lifestyle choice.

"I need vindication from my dysfunctional peers."

A vague, generalized reference to negative behaviour.

"I really want to criticize somebody here, but unfortunately they will read this."

A random line from a song, that suggests (to those unfamiliar with the song) that something awful is happening.

"Ha ha ha. Made you worry about me."

A message full of typos.

"I am drunk."

"I am so happy, everything in my life is great!"

"I am as miserable as sin but I just read up on positive thinking."

"I love my wife/husband/girlfriend/boyfriend SO much!!!"

"We just had a huge argument. But it's fixed now. Well, for now anyway."

"I love my family SO MUCH!!"

They are normally highly dysfunctional, but they just surprised everyone by doing something good.

"I love my kids/grandchildren so much!!!"

"Actually they are as annoying as hell."

A list of what I achieved today.

"Normally I sit on my lazy arse and do nothing, so I'm showing off."

General negativity about my appearance or character.

"I am fishing for compliments."

A totally cryptic message.

"I am seeking attention."

A truly bizarre message.

"I am seeking attention in a very dysfunctional way."

A hint at suicide ideation.

"I REALLY NEED ATTENTION!"

Eventually, They'll Shoot Me

When I was young I was a bit of a rebel.

Don't you just love understatement?

I behave a lot better now, but in many ways, I am still the same person. But back in those days, I actually had a dream that I was caught by some sort of authoritarian regime and shot. I felt it. Weird.

I have joked ever since that the cause of my death will be "execution by goon" and I'm never really sure if I'm joking.

If the revolution comes, and it just might, we all know I will not suddenly be quiet.

I love this.

There was, of course, a famous singing revolution, (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Singing_Revolution just in case you were unaware. Where the hell were you?) but the results obtained were only partial. If you know anything at all about how democracy works, you also know that most of the time it doesn't. Not properly, anyway, so there is, in fact, an ongoing struggle, even when things are mostly democratic.

It doesn't have to be violent. We don't have to riot or burn things down to make a point. In fact that sort of thing can be awfully counter-productive. Not much point winning the city back for the people if it's in ruins.

Just find the line you won't cross, and don't cross it.

People like me like to remind you of all of this to shake you out of your complacency, because if you are not trying to make things better in your own small way, then you are part of the problem.

If nothing else, you can stay aware, and help others be aware - you can educate. You can pass on facts. You can call them out on their nonsense. There is a huge advantage to the modern network of information. Use it to your advantage. Yes, it's a good idea to object to them spying on you, and trying to stop that, but at the same time, just remember, we can use the same network to keep an eye on THEM.

That "Share" button is a powerful revolutionary tool, so use it.

The Censorship Blog

Censor ME and regret it, fuckwads.

I shared a photo that had been removed from its original page.

It was a family, together, at the birth of a new baby, which appeared to be in a birthing pool, can't be certain. There were ZERO "iffy" body parts visible. Only faces and arms.. Nothing dodgy. The child was not covered in blood either. It was the sort of thing you could show your grandmother.

http://birthwithoutfearblog.com/2013/05/29/the-backwards-views-of-the-world-and-women-facebook/

It was controversial only BECAUSE it had already been removed from another page. So I posted it. And my comment was "I dare to share this".

Today, a friend sent me a private message alerting me that it had been removed. That is, she tried to. But the message was censored. So, she found a way to alert me to this.

While we were discussing it, another item of mine was censored. I referred to Rick Perry as a fuckwad on a friend's post. The whole post vanished.

Strike 3.

Whether or not you object to Rick Perry, or photos of newborns is neither here nor there. While somebody is being PAID to remove such things, pages allowing JOKES ABOUT RAPE, etc, are still up. Despite Facebook assuring the public they weren't allowed.

Breastfeeding photos are REGULARLY removed from Facebook. Because feeding a child is disgusting.

Photos of women in poses designed to titilate are allowed.

Priorities folks. It's all about priorities.

I don't really blame Facebook, they just reflect the society we live in.

DON'T JUST SIT THERE. Do something.

You may post that if you wish.

TV Free - By Choice

We've been without a TV service for over 5 years now, but obviously I continually have to tell people this, because they ask "have you seen?" or just assume you have, and the shock I get in response is really very interesting.

The idea that you could live without this mass medium just baffles people.

We have a TV, a nice flat screen, of medium size. We used to have one of the giant ones, but it took up too much space. We watch DVDs, of which we have a large collection. Movies and boxed sets of TV series. Two new series were added to the collection last week, the complete Jonathan Creek, and the complete Yes, Minister and Yes, Prime Minister, both from Britain. I also bought a movie "Persepolis", which you'll have to look up, it's not mainstream.

For what these cost, I could have paid for a month's satellite TV twice over. It's not about cost.

It is about value for money, however. Because when I had satellite TV, I was still buying endless movies, to watch INSTEAD of the crap I was paying almost $100 a month for.

I would sit there flipping through hundreds of channels to find something worth watching, and find nothing. Ridiculous.

Obviously, I am picky about what I watch. 

I refuse to sit in front of a screen and watch rubbish. Life is too short. And then, I refused to pay for the pleasure of having nothing to watch. So we told them to shove their TV service where the sun doesn't shine.

First of course I did ask, can I just have the movie channels and the educational channels? No. You have to buy the networks first. Which is bollocks. So, Bell TV was "Let go".

Michael, therefore, has spent his teens without TV. His friend are just goggle-eyed at how he copes. He copes. He has never missed it, and never complains. He has a DVD player in his room, he watches movies and boxed sets if he needs to. Tom has discovered, since we had high-speed Wifi, that there are "broadcasts" on You Tube. He finds things to watch on his laptop. Michael can access it with his XBox. Tyler can access it either way. They get plenty of teen fodder that way, and are selective about it. They don't suffer.

No, it is perfectly possible to live without a TV service. It means sometimes I'm out of touch with pop culture, and that's OK. I rarely share majority tastes.

We don't buy newspapers or magazines either. For similar reasons.

"But, but but," they say, "How do you keep up on current affairs?" I have the internet. If something important happens, trust me, I hear about it. And instead of hearing bias or sensationalism thrown at me from a news desk, by a clone anchor with a bad hairstyle and boring clothes, I have an endless variety of sources to parse and make my opinions from. Far deeper, far more reliable, and far easier to sort the wheat from the chaff.

I dropped out of mainstream society a long time ago. Just a little over 51 years ago, really. I have lived my entire life asking Why?" and being extremely skeptical. I'm just not suited to broadcast TV.

Ha Ha Ha

I think it probably goes without saying that I love writing. I have to write. My head fills with ideas and they have to come out. It has been pointed out to me, by those who love me, bless 'em, that I tend to write down mostly the serious stuff, whereas when I'm doing an impromtu spoken presentation of my thoughts, it's the far less serious stuff, and that, therefore, I'm funnier in person than in writing.

I have been known to deliberately write humour, and I'm not bad at it, but I don't make a habit of it, because it's very random. So it comes out here and there in comments and odd places, and isn't really part of my main efforts when blogging. It comes out in stories about my everyday life, because my everyday life is funny. My family are funny. Sometimes I forget not everyone is surrounded by humour. Some people are very serious.

And, because some people are accustomed to a severe lack of humour in their lives (i.e. they may be funny themselves, but they don't hear it in people around them so much) I sometimes get taken wrongly. I get read as serious, when I'm not. As I said, this is not helped by the fact that I tend to write blogs about serious issues, so I can't really complain, but it is a bit strange sometimes.

When you think about it, using humour is a common, and very effective way to get opinions about serious issues across. Many comedians make really deep ethical statements while being funny. Their "act" is really a lecture on their observations on the ridiculousness of civilization. The humour in it is often irony.

It's not that they are making light of problems in society, far from it. Consider Eddie Izzard's thoughts on Hitler.

Some people find this sort of thing in poor taste. It's not that they disagree with it, but they want it said in a serious manner. I'm not altogether sure why. I think humour gets the points across very well - even if it's completely weird. And I think this is why surreal humour is not understood or appreciated by some people. They are expecting one liners, this is too complicated.

When it's written, it's harder to tell the funny from the serious, and if it's very subtle it can get missed or misunderstood. You almost need to offer a warning ahead of time.

Yesterday I watched a discussion go right off the rails on an internet forum because somebody was being funny (and very clever, actually) and it was taken seriously. No amount of explanation seemed to sort it out, and I watched amazed as somebody melted down in public, taking offence where it was obvious to anyone with half a brain that it was humour, pure humour. Two people trying to help break up the "fight" even had English as a second language, and they'd had no difficulty seeing the humour.

It would be easy to assume that the offended party just wasn't very bright, but this was on a forum associated with an online college course, for which you actually need a certain level of intellect. There's no testing, but quite simply, people of low intellect just don't attempt these things. So this is a reasonably (at least) intelligent person with poor awareness of humour.

And THAT is funny. Obviously, I know better than to wade in there and make things worse, so I stayed out of it. Sometimes these things are best as a spectator sport.

But it reminded me, because I need reminding, that there is a lack of humour out there, and I think it's a problem. When people don't automatically see the silliness in a situation, when they can't see the funny side of things, what happens? They get angry. We don't need anger, there's too much of that already.

So, there I am trying to figure this out, you know how I am. People taking themselves too seriously, people taking life too seriously, and the end result of anything that messes with their seriousness being anger...what's going on here?

I don't like the idea of telling somebody to "lighten up". That's really very dismissive of a person's feelings, because they may have a reason for being in the mood they are in. We never know what darkness lurks behind the doors of another's life. Sometimes, if you know somebody well, you can get away with it, but I don't advise it. When people tell me to lighten up and I have a good reason not to, I bite. Because not everything is funny. It's a balance. Still, I think it helps to try to see the funny side, even if the humour lies in its absurdity.